Guidelines for Teachers when Responding to Parent Concerns

 

One of the least favourite jobs for teachers is often responding to parents who are concerned.  Virtually no one enjoys conflict.  However, every time a person raises a concern it is an opportunity for us as teachers to respond with compassion, professionalism, care and respect.  First, remember how vulnerable many parents feel when bringing concerns forward.  Most don’t like conflict any more than we do.  Often, when parents come across as angry, that anger is layered over other emotions such as fear, sadness, disappointment, anxiety and confusion.  We also do not know the whole story.  Perhaps there have been painful school experiences in the past.  Perhaps there are other factors which we don’t know about in the present situation.  It is important to listen past the emotion to hear the true message coming, and help the parent build trust with us, and find solutions for the situation.  Conflict is opportunity for us to live out our values and character as Cooper’s Crossing School teachers.   

 

It is best to respond to concerns as soon as possible, as the longer a parent has to wait for a response, the more the negative emotions build.  If you receive an email and you don’t know how to respond right away, still answer as soon as possible with something like, “Thank you so much for sharing this concern.  I care a lot for your child and am certain we can work this out.  I would like some time to consider your email more carefully, and promise to respond again by (fill in a date in the reasonable future).  Again, thank you so much for reaching out to me.  I value the opportunity to work with all parents to support their kids.”  Then take some time, seek some outside advice if necessary, and respond thoughtfully by or before the deadline you promised.

 

Here's the “informal agenda” I’ve adopted for myself when talking with parents who have concerns.  This can be for in-person meetings and also for conversations over the phone. 

 

1. Remind yourself to be present in the moment.  When reading an email, read it all carefully, beginning to end so you don’t miss important information.  When face to face, ensure you are not distracted, even by planning ahead for what you are going to say next while the person is still talking. Be present. 

2. Welcome them and thank them for coming in, and affirm that we have a shared interest – we care for their children greatly, and they do too. 

3. Ask how you can help them, which opens their opportunity to share.  NOTE: Often, they may come across as aggressive or in attack-mode.  Work hard to sift through the strong emotions, awkward, and even inappropriate approaches and messages to hear the real issues behind the emotion.  Ensure your body language and tone are calm, and most often the conversation soon gets on a good track. 

4. Listen, listen, listen, asking questions along the way so that you can understand their perspective well enough to reiterate it accurately back to them.  While listening, try to determine their underlying interests, which are often different than the positions they enter with.  For example:  “I want my child moved classes”, or “I want that teacher fired” are positions (their preconceived solutions).  The interests come out by asking “why”.  An interest would be, “I want my child to be safe” or “I want my child to like coming to school.”  Identifying interests is very important. 

5. Once you’ve listened fully, speak back what you’ve heard, and focus on the interests you’ve discerned.  Seek clarification, and if they say no, listen more and ask more questions to understand.

6. Once you are confident you understand, see if there is anything that rings true in what they said where you or the school failed, and I encourage you, without reservation, specifically apologize, avoiding words like “if” (If we failed you, I’m sorry) or but (I’m sorry, but your child really played a  role in this).  Offering apologies are not a sign of weakness; it is an indication of strong character. 

7. Then ask permission to share your observations. (“May I share with you what I see?”)  Asking is respectful and opens their ears. 

8. Share your perspective, providing them another viewpoint or new information that might be helpful.  Do not focus on correcting every little error they made or to prove that you are right, but instead focus on the end goals.  Choose carefully what you share so you don’t get sidetracked. 

9. Finally, move to next steps and solution action steps, focusing on your common interest of the kids.  You may find it helpful to ask, “How can I help with this situation.”  At times, people have an idea of what they want, but often they just wanted to be heard. 

10. Conclude the meeting by summarizing action steps that were agreed upon, and ensure everyone knows who is doing what and what the timeframe is. 

11. Conclude by again thanking them for coming in and how much you appreciate the trust they have shown in you and the school. 

12. Finally, it is best practice, shortly after the meeting, to follow up with a summary email with the action steps, and always ensure you follow through on what you’ve said you would do.